Now we understand what makes us attractive and what attracts us. But when we meet our prince how do we have a happy ever after? Even if we have chosen an amazing partner we can still run into difficulties in our relationship. When our relationships become stressful and full of pain this can literally shave years off our life, whilst a healthy relationship lets you grow and bloom.
First of all it does not depend on how sexy, beautiful, accomplished, etc you are. Once again the basis for a healthy, happy, wholesome relationship it how you relate to each other. Whether you share authentically your feelings and yourself, listen deeply and use the tools of tolerance, kindness, compassion and oneness in your relationship.
Where a relationship goes wrong!
A relationship is an ever changing thing. Just because you start a relationship really well does not mean you do not need to put your conscious awareness and positive energy into it to keep it blooming.
Your communication needs to be conscious. You need to be expressing at least 5 positive things to every criticism or negative. We need to relate to the real feelings of our partners. This communication takes place not just through our words but through our aura on a subconscious level.
Polarity – You need to be able to command the polarities, not react to them. Yoga helps you do this by balancing the 3 functional minds to actively engage the negative mind and challenge it with the positive. When your 3 functional minds are unbalanced they distort the 5 tattvas.
Do you recognise any of these destructive patterns of behaviour which are related to the negative expressions of the five tattvas (elements)?
- Earth (lobh) pertains to greed and desires for recognition and territory;
- Water (kam) to sensuality and lust;
- Fire (Krodh) to anger, rough language and neurotic behavior;
- Air (moh) identity and power. The latter is because air contains life-giving energy (prana), and it therefore gives you your identity.
- Ether (hunkaar) pertains to we (hum), us, pride, false ego, negative ego, boasting and lack of humility.
Your natural polarities and paradoxes over time lead to insecurity. We start to fight the polarities that exist in ourselves and our relationships. The most deadly of these traits are:
- Feelings of superiority (I am right, contempt, belittlement)
- Constant criticism (nagging or helpful task master)
- Defensiveness (attack, shooting back)
- Non responsive (withdrawal, avoid taking action)
We start to try and solve them as if they are problems. To reduce conflict we try and turn our partners into us. Similarity is good, but too much and the relationship gets boring. We need differences to keep things fresh. To deal with these polarities we need to be:
Present and flexible in each situation using our applied intuitive, intelligence whilst understanding that we all have a defensive mind which is waiting for the attack, which we can see and recognise but choose not to engage with.
We need to develop the following virtues:
Tolerance, as a primary virtue, in any authentic relationship. It gives us a capacity to see what is wrong, to see the character and characteristics accurately of the other person and overlook it. To ‘un-see’ what we see is not denial. Instead it is a redirection of our energy; it is our capacity to activate in ourselves and in the other person the very best of our abilities.
The attitude we need to re-vision and strengthen our relationships is compassion ‘Understand through compassion or you will misunderstand the times’. First we need to let the other person be real. For the relationship was attracted to us through the compassion of our soul.
There is a little secret to using compassion effectively, to be real about compassion for others; you must have self-compassion. In that experience and reality you can be real with another person. YB put it this way ‘The highest status which a man can enjoy in a human life is self compassion. This is the last thing a person has ever learned. The key to happiness, gate to happiness, is self-compassion. If you ever want to be compassionate, be compassionate to yourself.’
We must deal with our relationship from the fourth chakra, the heart, at which the sense of self is strong enough that you can decide about and direct your emotions to serve your soul. It is the point of awakening where you can control the emotions and make them align with your own compassion and awareness.
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This week’s classes:
Mon 27 Nov 6.15-7.30pm Kundalini Yoga @ Prana Lounge, 60 Horton Place, Col
Tues 28 Nov 9.45-10.45am Kundalini Yoga @ Om Shambala, 143 Fife Rd, Col 5
Tues 28 Nov 3.30-4.30pm Special Needs Kids Class@ Reach Beyond, Tickell Rd, Col8 Tues 28 Nov 5.30-6.30pm Kundalini Yoga @ Om Shambala, 143 Fife Rd, Col 5
Wed 29 Nov 5.00- 7.30am Sadhana @ 9 Greenlands Lane, Col 5 (FREE)
Wed 29 Nov 7.15-8.15pm Kundalini Yoga@The Om Space, 185/9 Havelock Rd, Col 5
Thurs 30 Nov 11.30 – 1.15pm Special Needs Kids and Teachers@ Reach Beyond, Tickell Rd.
Thurs 30 Nov 3-4pm Kundalini Yoga, Prana Lounge, 60 Horton Place, Col 7
Sat 2 Dec 4.30-6pm Gong Bath and Healing – Sat Sungat Shala, Negambo
Sun 3 Dec 5pm onwards WOW FESTIVAL (British Council) FREE GONG BATH – National Film Cooperation, Bauddhaloka Mwt, Colombo 7.